keep moving forward

So...That test I was supposed to take back on the 11th, and didn't because BIGGER BOSS said "Nope"? Well, I ended up taking it about a week ago.

Annnnd...I failed all three tests.

I can tell you exactly why I failed.

There are a couple of reasons.

• I didn't breathe. I took 3 tests in 49 minutes. Each had about 40-50? questions per test? Something like that. I breezed through it and didn't allow myself to really relax and just take my time. Probably had something to do with the fact that I took the test an hour and a half before I was supposed to clock in to work. 
• I hadn't received the training I really needed to be able to pass--I've been working there since August of 2010 and I've been in the grill area (working production--which is what the tests were about) but a handful of times. Last year, I switched to overnights for the sole purpose of being able to learn production. (Another coworker of mine had learned it overnight and they weren't teaching me during the day. Logical move, yes? We'll go with yes.) I never got in the grill. It was nothing but drive thru the entire year.
• They knew three solid (four, now) months ago that I would be going into management. They've known that entire time that I didn't have the training I needed and I still never got the training. 
• I think, subconsciously, I wanted to fail. I wanted to show them exactly how they screwed up. "HA. Look and see what happens when you don't do your job and get your people trained the way they're supposed to be!" (I'm not saying it's right--just that it's probably a thought that lurked in my head for a while.) 
• I wasn't at all confident. Why would I be? I'd never gotten the training, and I don't learn by just reading the information. I have to have a muscle memory--something I can connect that information to. All the information that BIGGER BOSS gave us during my Crew Trainer class was stuck in my head because there was a memory to go along with it. I didn't just read it and know it. I could hear her voice telling me, and then I knew it. I could actually have the experience to go along with it, and I remembered. I passed both of those tests with no less than a score 90% (and you need an 80% to pass.).

Well, tomorrow--I retake the tests. Nobody really knows what happens if I fail this time--so I'm going to try and not fail. I don't have to work, so I'm not worried about how long it'll take me. I know BIGGER BOSS will be there for most of the day anyway, so if I need to take 6 hours on it, I can take 6 hours on it. I've got notes and notes to study and I plan on walking in there with the intention of passing those damn tests. 

Admittedly, there's an advantage to having taken the tests once already insofar as I already know what's on them. But that doesn't make my lack of training any harder or less frustrating. 

When they gave me my tests scores, I ended up crying at Ms. C (one of my favorite managers, who recently left us for another store. I came very close to crying when I was saying goodbye. On top of that, my OTHER favorite manager will be leaving on the 1st. GAH.) because I'd been trying to get the training for months. Literally, months. And no one had done anything for me.

(Sidenote: Whenever I end up crying at work, it's always at Ms. C. Always. Every time I've ever ended up crying at work, it's been to her. I don't know why and I always feel bad about it. LOL) 

In other news, I bought my kindle fire today and I'm absolutely in love with it. I may end up using it more often than I use my phone and I use that more than I use my computer!! 

review: scent of shadows by Vicki Pettersson

The Scent of Shadows by Vicki Pettersson
January 1st, 2007
Eos (HarperCollins Imprint)
Urban Fantasy / Paranormal Thriller
Signs of the Zodiac #1


I bought this book from an Amazon Seller. 


Author's Website | Goodreads 
Amazon | Book Depository


The First Sign of the Zodiac


When she was sixteen, Joanna Archer was brutally assaulted and left to die in the Nevada desert.


By rights, she should be dead.


Now a photographer by day, she prowls a different Las Vegas after sunset--a grim, secret Sin City where Light battles Shadow--seeking answers to whom or what she really is...and revenge for the horrors she was forced to endure.


But the nightmare is just beginning--for the demons are hunting Joanna, and the powerful Shadows want her for their own...




I actually first read this book a couple years ago, having dug it out from the stacks at my local library. I fell in love with it, and managed to find the next 2 in the series. I was looking for something new to read on Amazon, and found this and just had to buy it. (I also bought the next 4--I'll be buying the last one tomorrow.)

(Sidenote: While reading this book, I realized that when I was writing my '09 NaNo Novel...I apparently had this entire story in the back of my head, because I kept having deja vu moments.)

 Joanna is a damaged, cynical, sarcastic heroine who, at times, can look a bit like the villain. The story starts out with Joanna on a date -- she has this rule of "Never Say No" when someone asks her out. That stems from forcing herself to go out with someone again after the attack on her life. The logic of it actually fits her character, and it sets the plot in a good spot. When the date quickly goes sour, and bringing to life hints of the supernatural, she ends up face to face with her ex-boyfriend--the same one she'd been with at the time of her attack.

I never really got to like Ben. From the first time he sets foot on scene, I felt like he was gonna get the short end of the stick. He feels fragile--kind of like he's grasping at something that's been gone for a long time. And by the end of the book, you really see where he's completely lost. I can see where her sixteen year old self fell for him--but he never really recovered from her attack, whereas she took it and transformed herself into something strong.

I loved Warren--crazy, funny, kinda stinky Warren. HATED her dad. HATED. HATED. HATED. LOATHED HIM. Just from the first scene with him and he just sucked. 


Olivia. Joanna's little, sweet, bombshell sister. Gotta love her. All fluff on the outside, sheer computer geek on the inside. I cried.

I think that's the big thing. This book made me cry. I mean, not-pretty, snot-bubbles, red-eyes-for-hours cry. (Just to give you that mental image. You're welcome.) I don't promise that you'll cry because there have been books that other people have said would make me cry and my eyes were as dry as the Sahara Desert.

This series ranks right up there with Karen Marie Moning's FEVER series for me. And that is possibly the highest compliment I can possibly give Ms. Pettersson.

OMG BEFORE I FORGET. HUNTER. 


omg. hunter. gods. i love that man. want. him. I want Hunter to be real and mine. *hugs book*

Okay. I'm done. *pets the book*

SO.

Overall Rating: 5 Stars 

Never Ignore Coincidence. Unless you're busy.

omg two posts in less than a month! we're already doing better!

so. news. i went to work today to take my crew chief's exam (which is one step below a manager and one above a crew trainer which is what i am now and i need it to go into the management class). i was told 13 days ago that BIG BOSS said i could go to management.

well, 13 days ago (and subsequently in the time since) i have not been trained in the grill area, making food. i've only been certified on breakfast table--trained on lunch table, and trained on breakfast grill, not trained on lunch grill, or food safety, and on none of those, certified. i also was never informed of a food safety video i had to watch and when Ms. C found out about that, she told me to talk to BIGGER BOSS (who is awesome, we love her).

well, BIGGER BOSS told me straight up, "you're not taking the test today." i have until the second class of SMX (manager class) to take the exams i need, and i believe i will be taking full advantage of that time to get these people to freaking train me where i need to be trained.

this was simply ridiculous.

and on top of that, one of the other crew trainers who was supposed to be taking the same exam with me (and will be in SMX with me) had never been told about the video either so she didn't take hers either. HA! it's not just me!

so yeah. that. work stuff. bleh.

and on an even WORSE note, i wrote 300+ words today while we were waiting on my dad to get off work. but it was on my other screwed up not used very much anymore computer and i loved what i had. it was great setting, awesome mood, interesting characters...and i shut the computer (not shutting it down but just closing it) and planned on moving the file from that laptop to this one, and when i got home...

it told me it had shut down to do an update and omg it deleted any trace of those words. I HATE THAT COMPUTER FOREVER. HATE. IT.

*cries*

those were such good words. :(

r.i.p. words.

Never Knowingly Be Serious

I've been kind of completely absent from everything except Facebook and Tumblr last couple of weeks -- no real good reason, just end of the year blahs.

But I do have news, and plans, and it begins here. (A couple days late, but what the hell?)

If you spend any kind of time stalking my blog, you'll notice a couple of things.

1) The template has changed.
2) I only have 3 pages (About Me, Home, and Contact.)
3) Every post from 2009 to 2011 has been removed.

It's a brand new start. 2012 is my year--it's the year where I'm going to demand more of myself than I ever have before. It's the year where I'm probably not going to get much sleep. it's the year I turn 20 years old and it's time to grow up and accept responsibilities. It's the year where I take my place beside my friends in making my dreams come true.

It's the year I become a Manager at work. I've been approved for the promotion -- I have a few tests to take, and I have less than a week to learn as much as I can so I can pass them. (Joy.)

It's the year I stop screwing around and actually write a damn book instead of talking and procrastinating and letting myself get "distracted."

These are not resolutions. These are not promises.

This is simply what I'm going to do. It begins with this post. With the decision to delete all my old ones.

I cannot say that I will blog every day--or even every week. But I will try. I will relapse into old habits--tweeting and tumblring and facebooking instead of working and being productive. I am not going to ask you to refer me to this post. If you choose to--wonderful. Thank you. But I need to learn how to do that on my own, too.

I promise I will get crabby. I promise I won't have much time to talk. I promise I will probably end up not replying to emails, tweets, IMs, or texts. I promise I will likely miss a lot on my favorite shows. But I will try to break these promises every once in a while.

I promise I will hate every second that I miss out on hanging out with you guys. Because you guys are awesome.

And now, because it's 1 in the morning at the moment, I believe I'm going to take my currently be-freckled face to bed, where I shall make mad passionate love to a book.